This Is Why I Hate Hollywood Redux

When I read this I actually gagged a little.

Seriously people, if you are ever tempted to watch I Am Legend, just go watch the original with Vincent Price.

You will delight to the abilities of one of the greatest actors Hollywood has produced, and as a bonus, you won’t ever have to roll your eyes at Mister Smith’s “acting”, if you can even call it that.

I’m not being elitist here; I’m just trying to prevent another Wild Wild West.

This Is Why I Hate Hollywood

I shouldn’t be surprised. After they butchered my favorite video game, fireballed my favorite tabletop, and made a movie so bad I almost built a deathray, I should know better than to give Hollywood the benefit of the doubt. But then they go and do this to Dragonball:

Yes, this is supposed to be Goku.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I hate Dragonball. The show is a coordinated assault on aesthetics, nay on rational thought itself. It does not only reject cohesive storytelling, it seems actively hostile to it. Because I appreciate good storytelling, I must loathe Dragonball, with every fiber of my being.

Even worse, it is often the first show that leaps to mind when you say anime to someone in the West. “Oh, you mean like that Dragonball show?”. I want to breed a skunk-porcupine hybrid to maul these people. It’s the same when I say I like weird fiction, and I get, “Oh, you mean like Stephen King?”. Are you actually trying to enrage me, or are you just that nescient?

But the point, as I belabour my way around it, is that only Hollywood would go and take something that is already terrible, and make it worse. Are they clever enough to aim for a cinematic version of arithmetic overflow, where the movie becomes so execrable that it wraps around and turns out awesome? Or are they as I always suspected, bizarre mindless creatures that spring forth spontaneously from a pool of radioactive ooze and filth somewhere beneath the streets of California?

The mind boggles. It boggles, dear reader.

Homecoming

How could I have forgotten about you. Looks like the shift from Japanese developers to Stateside hasn’t had too much of an effect on the Silent Hill “feel”. I kind of wish they hadn’t incorporated that “peel back” effect from the Movie Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken, because anything that connects the superb games to the cinematic letdown is a poor choice.

I see him in my nightmares.

Wait, it drops on September 30th? Strange that they would move the ship date up from the original Halloween ‘08. Oh well, I don’t really mind having it available earlier than I thought, but this is the final nail in the coffin of my fiscal responsibility. I need a PS3, and I need it now. Maybe while I’m in Canada I can grab one, though I will probably be grossly overcharged for it…

Speaking of getting screwed, looks like they’re making a Silent Hill 2. Oh, ecstasy. I fully expect Hollywood to punch up the story like they did for the first one. There will be no surprise when I walk into the theatre on opening night only to find that James Sunderland is now an international superspy with a robotic arm and a talking monkey sidekick.

Now it’s too late, too late for me
This town will eventually take me
Too late, too late for me
This town will win

Still Alive

Yes, I am still alive. Somehow I’ve managed to survive for about 2 weeks so far in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language, without managing to somehow mangle, bankrupt and/or mortally embarrass myself. Still no internet access for the most part, so it will probably be a little longer until I can start updating regularly again. On the upside, the students at my Junior high school seem pretty cool, and the elementary kids are adorable, so I’m really psyched about this year.

For now, I leave you with the Joker paradox:

Nicholson Joker: actor still alive, character dies.

Ledger Joker: actor dies, character still alive.

The lesson being, I guess, that if you sign on to play the Joker, you better hope he gets killed off at the end of the movie.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel bad for finding the above hilarious. I need to go find somewhere dark and let my Catholic conscience systematically rend apart my self-esteem.

Welcome to Arkham, Enjoy Your Stay

Two things from the weekend.

Why so serious?

First, The Dark Knight. I was skeptical at first, with the amount of hype the movie was getting, especially how everyone was saying how phenomenal Heath Ledger’s performance was. It made me nervous, because it really seemed like Hollywood trying to pump up another flop with hyperbole.

But I was wrong. At least in this one case, they were right. Ledger’s performance was incredible. He managed to create a Joker that perfectly fit the gritty, realistic universe of Batman Begins. Rather than the affable Joker, portrayed by Jack Nicholson, who seemed a little too cheerful and comedic to be taken seriously, the new Joker was dark, psychotic and frightening. He still giggles inappropriately and cracks jokes, but now it’s more graveyard humor than bad puns. And yes, Ledger should definitely be in the running for an Oscar.

Which is not to say he was the only star in this movie. Everyone delivered a great performance, with Christian Bale showing more and more he was born to be Batman. Let’s hope he sticks around for another few movies at least. The only real sore spot was Gordon’s cheesy speech towards the end of the movie which had eyes rolling. Otherwise, a superb movie that I’m disappointed I’ll only get to see in theaters once.

Stay awhile, stay forever!

On the gaming side, finally got the gang together for a game of Arkham Horror. Since we’d never played before, we didn’t use any of the expansions, which is probably a very good thing. At first, this game is insanely complicated. The first turn alone took us about an hour. But like most games, with each turn that went on, we got better and better at it, until things became second nature. In no time we were slaying abominations, closing dimensional gates and reading ancient tomes like nobody’s business.

All in all, I enjoyed it. Though it became clear toward the end we were going to win, it didn’t feel like that for most of the game, and that was fun in an, “oh god we’re all going to die”, kind of way. There were some places were the rules did not seem very clear, so we had to make things up on the spot; I certainly hope they’re covered in a FAQ somewhere. Also, the event decks for the various neighborhoods seemed very small, but I know the expansions add more cards to them, which I think would keep things fresh. Right now, I just want to play again, and I’m sort of depressed I won’t get to for a long time.

Updates will be few and far between for the next few days or weeks, since I’m leaving on Thursday. Ave atque vale.