Yeah Right

…by the way, I’m back. This blog has gone unloved for far too long, so I think I’m going to start posting my random crap here instead of spamming Facebook with political rants and funny pictures.

I know I said this before, but this time I really, really mean it. For real.

You can't spell "lies" without "I".

Oh Man I’m Lazy

Well, how about that. Been about 4 months give or take since the last time I posted anything. I blame Facebook for making it easier for me to post whatever random thought or cool thing enters my head.

Of course, that’s what this was for, and I’m going to stick to it. Gonna ease my way back into venting my spleen into the all-consuming void of the Internet. For now, here’s something that seems frighteningly plausible:

He probably would, too.

Brutal Planet

You know, I’ve actually been in a pretty good mood all this week. Which is odd, for me.

And then I went and stumbled on this. And I remembered we’re coming up on 10 years since Columbine.

I can speak first hand about the kind of things the Slashdot article talks about. My junior and senior high school years were quite unpleasant for me. I wouldn’t go as far to say “nightmarish”, but it is a period of my life I don’t recall fondly at all. I was awkward, ostracized and occasionally persecuted. I’m not going to claim I never contemplated violence; that would be disingenuous, not to mention a bold-faced lie. And with the benefit of hindsight, I think I can safely say it subconsciously influenced my decision to move away from my hometown the second I got the chance.

Now, I’m working as a teacher and my perspective has shifted somewhat. I’m now in the position to do something about this kind of thing. It doesn’t seem to really be a problem in Japanese schools, probably because the culture emphasizes getting along with your classmates/ coworkers / contemporaries. But I can still attempt to make a difference, to put a stop to this sort of asinine bullying if I see it, and to show that you should never be ashamed of being intelligent. As a wise nerd once said, “It may be hard for you now, but trust me: Out here?  In the real world?  We run shit.”

I’ve heard that eventually, all teachers just stop caring. It’s hard to look after hordes of other people’s children all day and not get burned out. The gradual erosion of your empathy is probably inevitable. That’s not a reason to abandon the effort though. And I am certainly going to try for as long as I can.

No jokes this time. I feel far too serious right now.

I’ve got a pocket full of bullets
And a blueprint of the school

 

Screaming For Vengeance

So there I am, sitting quietly in the teacher’s room. Everything is relatively peaceful for once, it’s a nice sunny day. Maybe a little chilly, but nothing if not serene. I’m starting to feel a little sleepy, actually, nodding off a bit as I aimlessly flip through a book.

Then all of a sudden, every window in the building starts shaking like it’s trying to leap out of the frame and run away. There’s a terrible howling outside, like a hungry beast baying for blood. I look around out there, without getting too close to the obviously possessed windows, and I see crap flying around everywhere. People’s bikes are rattling in the racks. Trees are bending over.

It’s not an earthquake. It’s the freaking wind.

I look over at Kyoto-sensei, who can obviously see I’m a little freaked out. I’d like to emphasize he’s barely glanced up from his paperwork since this started. He looks out the window for a moment and then smiles knowingly. “Kogarashi”, he says. “Japanese winter wind. Very cold.”

And then, like somebody hit a switch, it suddenly stops. And everything is quiet again. Utterly calm.

Just thought you should know the kind of stuff I have to deal with here. 

Blow, wind, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow!

Screamin’ demons yell
Bursting through the clouds

 

Programmed to Consume

Still no mega-update yet, too busy. However, two things.

I bought a tie at work today. No, not on the Internet. There I was, sitting in the teacher’s office, minding my own business, when this older gentleman walks in with what looks like a large briefcase. Everybody smiles and nods at him, so I do as well. I figure he’s a member of the Board of Education, or a repairman, or something along those lines. Then he sets the case down and opens it.

It’s full of ties.

Some of the other male teachers come over to look, and nod appreciatively. He gestures me over and smiles, so I come over. He hands a few to me, so I examine them. They’re fairly nice ties, so I nod and smile back. He says something to me, and I make it clear that I have no idea what he’s saying. At this point I’m fairly bewildered; I have no idea what’s going on, and everyone else is busy and not paying attention to me and this nice tie-man. Then he says something I do understand: “Sen en”. One thousand yen. He punctuates it by holding aloft a finger, and then pointing at one of the ties.

He’s selling ties. Like, door-to-door.

What could I do? I found one that I liked and bought it. He smiled at me nicely, packed up his case and left, to a warm chorus of “sayonara”. The experience had a surreal quality, like a fever-induced dream, where even the most trivial act becomes suffused with meaning. But I’m holding the tie in my hand as we speak, and it’s pretty stylish, so it must have been real.

And to you, good tie-man, I say godspeed. May you always find welcome wherever men’s necks are undecorated.

The second thing is, today I bought this.

Damn you Sony! Damn you to hell!

I am a consumer whore.

Do we work for what we’ve created?
Just byproducts of man-made gods.

What’s Going On

I’m still here. I’m finally over my cold, and I’ve got stuff to say. It’s just so much to say, that I haven’t had time to get it all down on (digital) paper yet. I’ve got a bunch of pictures too, from Canada and from the latest festival, so I’ll be putting them up soon.

For now I’ll just leave this right here. It’s nice to see there’s still someone in America who’s as quietly outraged as I am. Or was at least; now that I’m out of the US and I can’t see a good reason to return, I honestly don’t give a crap anymore. Let King George declare martial law and re-sculpt the Statue of Liberty in his own brilliant image, I’d rather go back to the Frozen North and risk being eaten by polar bears. Or just stay here in Japan; if I can’t understand what the news or the politicians are saying, I can’t get so goddamn angry I go cross-eyed and start to snarl and bite people.

And no, it’s not going to change one way or the other after the election. As Lewis Black once put it, “When you walked into that voting booth, you had a choice between two bowls of shit. And let’s face it, the only difference was the smell.”

Alright, I’m done with my disingenuous railing against American government. As I said, not my problem anymore. I’ll be nice* from now on, I guarantee.

* Not a guarantee.

Peace or annihilation?

 

I’m Back

…and I’m half-dead due to the fact I seem to have caught the Black Death. Or maybe it’s just a cold, I can’t tell anymore.

Reports of the sojourn in my homeland will have to wait until I am no longer spewing mucus from most of my orifices like some kind of goddamn virus factory. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to try and find some orange juice. And an exorcist.

Bleah.

…And we’re off!

Flying out to Ottawa for the school trip tomorrow.  So no updates for a while, but probably a massive one when I return.

I’m not a total incompetent…

… but I do play one in real life.

Forgot to post this earlier. After several attempts over the course of my life to learn origami, I eventually just gave up. Even the basic stuff somehow stymied me at every opportunity. It became my secret shame that I could not wrap my fingers and brain around the concept. I can design, build and test insanely complex software systems, yet I could not master the comparatively simple task of folding paper.

Then last week, the students at school showed me how to do it. And in a single moment, like angels descending from heaven to a trumpet fanfare, it somehow suddenly made sense. Here’s to the teachers becoming the teached!

I made these.

I Don’t Wanna Grow Up

You know, I always felt a little awkward when I picked up a new toy or gewgaw just because I thought it looked cool. “Is this really the sort of thing an (insert arbitrary number here) year old should be buying? Aren’t I too old for this by at least several decades?”. I have always been very insecure about myself, and especially the parts of my personality that I thought the public in general disapproved of. Then today, I stumbled across this little morsel of wisdom:

I think the problem a lot of people have is they think they need to outgrow toys. I really don’t think getting older matters as long as you never stop playing.

This is a grown man about my age speaking about his love of Pokemon and Star Wars, and how he hopes to share them with his son. And it’s hard for me to find fault with his position.

So you know what? Fuck it, I don’t care anymore. I’m going to take the fact I look half my age and really start acting like it, only without the teenage angst and awkwardness. You hear that, haters? I’m going to play with my Gundams and my video games, read my comic books and watch my cartoons, and headbang to Iron Maiden, while you sneer at me for acting weird and juvenile. I will bounce from cool thing to cool thing and share my love with those I care about, while you just get older and more spiteful. And when we both die, I’ll have enjoyed my life at no one’s expense but my own, whereas the rest of ya probably have nothing to show for your existence but 2 divorces and the clap. HA HA!

And just so you can see I have already begun to embrace this:

What’s better than a giant robot? Giant Robot Samurai!

Can’t read ‘em, but the pictures are pretty

Call me Solid Snake.

Assembled Strike Noir. Kickass.

How the hell did I get here so soon