This Is Why I Hate Hollywood Redux

When I read this I actually gagged a little.

Seriously people, if you are ever tempted to watch I Am Legend, just go watch the original with Vincent Price.

You will delight to the abilities of one of the greatest actors Hollywood has produced, and as a bonus, you won’t ever have to roll your eyes at Mister Smith’s “acting”, if you can even call it that.

I’m not being elitist here; I’m just trying to prevent another Wild Wild West.

In Blackest Day, In Darkest Knight

Oh, not this shit again.

Seriously, I sometimes thought to myself when I read Batman comics, “Well, at least they haven’t pulled that ‘Let’s kill off the Hero!‘ bullcrap with the Dark Knight. That’s why I keep coming back for more, ’cause this one title, at least, has a little integrity.”

No really, I thought that. It was kind of like brand loyalty with me. I’d dabble in other superhero books, but in the end I’d always come back to ol’ Bats. He was as believable a character as you can get on the comic book page. A normal person, who saw something no one should ever have to see, and became a little….unhinged. His exploits were incredible without being ridiculous. You can’t really relate to someone like Superman or the Flash, since they’re something other than human. But Bruce Wayne, there’s something every little boy can imagine himself as.

Now you’ve gone and tainted him for me, DC. The way I see it, this can go two ways:

1. You come up with a deus ex machina to bring him back at some point in the future. Which makes this another cynical cash grab. Also, I hate you DC.

2. Bruce Wayne is really, really dead, and he’s replaced with someone less interesting, like say (gag) Robin. Sales spike for the death issue, and then plummet to earth like Superman in Kryptonite underoos. Also, I hate you DC.

I don’t care if Grant Morrison is involved, you are seriously screwing with the franchise here. I can only pray someone over there will return to their right mind long enough to put a stop to this monstrosity. Or maybe Darkseid can just go knock some sense into them.

Didn’t you hear him? He’s the goddamn Batman.

Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na,
daaa daaaa!

Brutal Planet

You know, I’ve actually been in a pretty good mood all this week. Which is odd, for me.

And then I went and stumbled on this. And I remembered we’re coming up on 10 years since Columbine.

I can speak first hand about the kind of things the Slashdot article talks about. My junior and senior high school years were quite unpleasant for me. I wouldn’t go as far to say “nightmarish”, but it is a period of my life I don’t recall fondly at all. I was awkward, ostracized and occasionally persecuted. I’m not going to claim I never contemplated violence; that would be disingenuous, not to mention a bold-faced lie. And with the benefit of hindsight, I think I can safely say it subconsciously influenced my decision to move away from my hometown the second I got the chance.

Now, I’m working as a teacher and my perspective has shifted somewhat. I’m now in the position to do something about this kind of thing. It doesn’t seem to really be a problem in Japanese schools, probably because the culture emphasizes getting along with your classmates/ coworkers / contemporaries. But I can still attempt to make a difference, to put a stop to this sort of asinine bullying if I see it, and to show that you should never be ashamed of being intelligent. As a wise nerd once said, “It may be hard for you now, but trust me: Out here?  In the real world?  We run shit.”

I’ve heard that eventually, all teachers just stop caring. It’s hard to look after hordes of other people’s children all day and not get burned out. The gradual erosion of your empathy is probably inevitable. That’s not a reason to abandon the effort though. And I am certainly going to try for as long as I can.

No jokes this time. I feel far too serious right now.

I’ve got a pocket full of bullets
And a blueprint of the school

 

Screaming For Vengeance

So there I am, sitting quietly in the teacher’s room. Everything is relatively peaceful for once, it’s a nice sunny day. Maybe a little chilly, but nothing if not serene. I’m starting to feel a little sleepy, actually, nodding off a bit as I aimlessly flip through a book.

Then all of a sudden, every window in the building starts shaking like it’s trying to leap out of the frame and run away. There’s a terrible howling outside, like a hungry beast baying for blood. I look around out there, without getting too close to the obviously possessed windows, and I see crap flying around everywhere. People’s bikes are rattling in the racks. Trees are bending over.

It’s not an earthquake. It’s the freaking wind.

I look over at Kyoto-sensei, who can obviously see I’m a little freaked out. I’d like to emphasize he’s barely glanced up from his paperwork since this started. He looks out the window for a moment and then smiles knowingly. “Kogarashi”, he says. “Japanese winter wind. Very cold.”

And then, like somebody hit a switch, it suddenly stops. And everything is quiet again. Utterly calm.

Just thought you should know the kind of stuff I have to deal with here. 

Blow, wind, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow!

Screamin’ demons yell
Bursting through the clouds

 

I am excitedly indifferent

As a linguaphile, there is only one word for news like this:

Meh.

It’s no irregardless, that’s for certain, but it’s still positively tedious.

This Is Why I Hate Hollywood

I shouldn’t be surprised. After they butchered my favorite video game, fireballed my favorite tabletop, and made a movie so bad I almost built a deathray, I should know better than to give Hollywood the benefit of the doubt. But then they go and do this to Dragonball:

Yes, this is supposed to be Goku.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I hate Dragonball. The show is a coordinated assault on aesthetics, nay on rational thought itself. It does not only reject cohesive storytelling, it seems actively hostile to it. Because I appreciate good storytelling, I must loathe Dragonball, with every fiber of my being.

Even worse, it is often the first show that leaps to mind when you say anime to someone in the West. “Oh, you mean like that Dragonball show?”. I want to breed a skunk-porcupine hybrid to maul these people. It’s the same when I say I like weird fiction, and I get, “Oh, you mean like Stephen King?”. Are you actually trying to enrage me, or are you just that nescient?

But the point, as I belabour my way around it, is that only Hollywood would go and take something that is already terrible, and make it worse. Are they clever enough to aim for a cinematic version of arithmetic overflow, where the movie becomes so execrable that it wraps around and turns out awesome? Or are they as I always suspected, bizarre mindless creatures that spring forth spontaneously from a pool of radioactive ooze and filth somewhere beneath the streets of California?

The mind boggles. It boggles, dear reader.

Epic, in a sense

So, this is how my latest and greatest D&D character death went down:

“Fireball!”

“Damn, failed my Reflex save. But I’m okay, I’ve still got some hitpoints left!”

“Fireball!”

“Damn, failed my Reflex save again. I’m bleeding to death, but somebody can still save me!”

“Fireball!”

"..."

So, yeah. That’s one for the ages.

Also, looks like somebody at CCF maybe done f*cked up. Check the News for 11/5. Good show, random internet angry guys.

Brilliant!

From the comments here:

I would love World of Warcraft if it weren’t for all the other people.

Preach it brother. And the rest of you can take your Illidan Stormrage and shove him up your Murlock Breeches.

…And Then You’ll Beg

You may have already heard about this, but check out the 8.31.2008 post here for some righteous indignation. To quote:

The fine folks at GenCon raised over $17,000 for [the Christian Children's Fund] charity, which helps starving children in impoverished areas of the world–only to have that money actually turned down by the charity. The charity refused due to the fact that the money was raised partly by the sales of Dungeons and Dragons materials, which as we all know, puts an irrevocable taint of evil on the filthy lucre that us demon-worshiping gamers might want to use to, say, donate to starving children.

…

GRAAAAAHHH!!!

Yeah, you stay classy there, CCF. With all the strides gamers have made to show the world, hey, we’re NOT the insidious cult or violence-bent lunatics that the media and religious leaders paint us out to be, it’s nice to see that that you can still go ahead and make irrational decisions based on fear, hearsay and your own ignorance. Bravo!

The best part, of course, is that the only people who lose here are the kids. I’m sure they’ll feel much better knowing that the money that could have been used to provide them with food and clean water was turned down because it came from people who like to wear funny clothes and say “prithee” a lot.

Fuck you, CCF, fuck you. I’m too pissed right now to come up with a better way to express my anger, your stupidity has literally rendered me incoherent with rage. To make up for you being jerks, this year I’ll donate extra hard to Child’s Play. Maybe I’ll send them a few copies of the D&D Core Rulebook Gift Set just to spite you.

ossuary for the misinformed
you’d end up being amazed of what you’d see inside
the wisps of knowledge denied
and to think that someone’s implied it’s a better place to reside