Shot Down In Flames

I am not surprised in the least.

Sony, you’ve been doing this long enough, you should know at this point how to market a platform. Or failing that, you should look at Nintendo, or Microsoft (the Xbox part, not the rest of it) and learn from them. Let’s take a look back at what you’ve done in your ill-conceived attempts to convince people your platform is the one they need:

• Dismissing the Wii as a “toy” and a “fad”. Yeah, them youngsters and their rock’n'roll music and their fancy computators, eh?
• Despite the fact your console is quantifiably in last place, claiming you are winning the console war. Cognitive dissonance much?
• Refusing to pay up to keep DLC from being platform exclusive. DLC is no longer considered a bonus, especially if you charge for it. It’s integral now. Swallow your pride and pony up.
• Yanking out the backwards compatibility, claiming it’s costing too much to produce. Can’t help but notice you haven’t announced a price cut yet. I know I love paying the same price for less features.
• Those creepy commercials. Seriously, who approved those? Is your advertising agency on LSD?
• A noticeably lacking library. Wasn’t so bad before you cut BC, since you could just play PS2 games. Now that you’ve moved to make the PS3 a separate platform, you need more titles. In other words, “LOL no gaemes on PS3!!1!”
• Making your console hard to develop for. This is so ridiculous I can’t even think of something funny to say.

I’m not saying you didn’t do some things right; the PS3 is, in terms of raw power, superior. The combination BluRay player and console is appealing to lots of folks. Games are not region locked. And you did finally break down and put together a decent online network.

Make it happen, Sony.

But right now, your console is in last place, behind the machine it was supposed to replace, and even Microsoft has more goodwill from gamers right now than you. Cut the price and soon, throw money at developers, have your PR drones focus on your verifiable good points rather than badmouthing your competitors and making things up. Things will turn around if you make an effort. Or you can be the next 3DO, it’s up to you.

Maybe there on the edge is your hope
But you don’t look down

Cthulhu Strikes Back!

So it sounds like Muramasa: The Demon Blade will be arriving in a few months. With the follow-up to Odin Sphere finally getting a release date, and the fact that MadWorld has done fairly well in both reviews and sales, it may finally be time for me to break down and get a Wii. Since the chronic shortage seems to have finally alleviated, it shouldn’t be difficult. Other than the fact I’m chronically short on another resource, spending money, nowadays. Perhaps I need to send some peasants out to find another gold mine.

Demon Octopus or Cthulhu? Is there a difference?

Well we almost all died, and Johnny’s out of his mind,
And though we never found Yig, we had a hell of a good time!

Oh Man I’m Lazy

Well, how about that. Been about 4 months give or take since the last time I posted anything. I blame Facebook for making it easier for me to post whatever random thought or cool thing enters my head.

Of course, that’s what this was for, and I’m going to stick to it. Gonna ease my way back into venting my spleen into the all-consuming void of the Internet. For now, here’s something that seems frighteningly plausible:

He probably would, too.

Fire Up The Blades

I have not yet picked up any of the splat books for 4th Edition, as I figured it was easier and smarter to do so on my infrequent visits to the English side of the world, rather than paying the book’s cost in shipping fees. So instead, I have been checking out information on the books, and found an interesting tidbit in a review of the Adventurer’s Vault:

One useful inclusion is a “move the magic” ritual, that allows you to move an enchantment from one weapon to another, so if that +2 Sunblade drops on a scimitar, but you want it on a khopesh, you’re good to go.

Well, finally. I’ve been frustrated with that sort of thing for years, and it’s nice they finally added a little something to take care of it. How many times have you heard something like this during a game?

“Awesome, a +5 Holy Avenger of Ultimate Destruction! Oh wait, it’s what kind of weapon? Damn, nobody’s proficient with that, put it on the sell for healing potions pile, then…”

That whole scenario has never been in keeping with the heroic conceit in D&D. It’s difficult to feel like an epic warrior when the Sword of Angel’s Tears that you risked your life to wrench from the Hellstone turns out to be a tulwar and no one can use it without slicing their own arm off. Accidental amputations are not the things sagas are made of.

Cut down by a Demon’s Blade
By strange forces it was made

This Is Why I Hate Hollywood Redux

When I read this I actually gagged a little.

Seriously people, if you are ever tempted to watch I Am Legend, just go watch the original with Vincent Price.

You will delight to the abilities of one of the greatest actors Hollywood has produced, and as a bonus, you won’t ever have to roll your eyes at Mister Smith’s “acting”, if you can even call it that.

I’m not being elitist here; I’m just trying to prevent another Wild Wild West.

In Blackest Day, In Darkest Knight

Oh, not this shit again.

Seriously, I sometimes thought to myself when I read Batman comics, “Well, at least they haven’t pulled that ‘Let’s kill off the Hero!‘ bullcrap with the Dark Knight. That’s why I keep coming back for more, ’cause this one title, at least, has a little integrity.”

No really, I thought that. It was kind of like brand loyalty with me. I’d dabble in other superhero books, but in the end I’d always come back to ol’ Bats. He was as believable a character as you can get on the comic book page. A normal person, who saw something no one should ever have to see, and became a little….unhinged. His exploits were incredible without being ridiculous. You can’t really relate to someone like Superman or the Flash, since they’re something other than human. But Bruce Wayne, there’s something every little boy can imagine himself as.

Now you’ve gone and tainted him for me, DC. The way I see it, this can go two ways:

1. You come up with a deus ex machina to bring him back at some point in the future. Which makes this another cynical cash grab. Also, I hate you DC.

2. Bruce Wayne is really, really dead, and he’s replaced with someone less interesting, like say (gag) Robin. Sales spike for the death issue, and then plummet to earth like Superman in Kryptonite underoos. Also, I hate you DC.

I don’t care if Grant Morrison is involved, you are seriously screwing with the franchise here. I can only pray someone over there will return to their right mind long enough to put a stop to this monstrosity. Or maybe Darkseid can just go knock some sense into them.

Didn’t you hear him? He’s the goddamn Batman.

Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na,
daaa daaaa!

Brutal Planet

You know, I’ve actually been in a pretty good mood all this week. Which is odd, for me.

And then I went and stumbled on this. And I remembered we’re coming up on 10 years since Columbine.

I can speak first hand about the kind of things the Slashdot article talks about. My junior and senior high school years were quite unpleasant for me. I wouldn’t go as far to say “nightmarish”, but it is a period of my life I don’t recall fondly at all. I was awkward, ostracized and occasionally persecuted. I’m not going to claim I never contemplated violence; that would be disingenuous, not to mention a bold-faced lie. And with the benefit of hindsight, I think I can safely say it subconsciously influenced my decision to move away from my hometown the second I got the chance.

Now, I’m working as a teacher and my perspective has shifted somewhat. I’m now in the position to do something about this kind of thing. It doesn’t seem to really be a problem in Japanese schools, probably because the culture emphasizes getting along with your classmates/ coworkers / contemporaries. But I can still attempt to make a difference, to put a stop to this sort of asinine bullying if I see it, and to show that you should never be ashamed of being intelligent. As a wise nerd once said, “It may be hard for you now, but trust me: Out here?  In the real world?  We run shit.”

I’ve heard that eventually, all teachers just stop caring. It’s hard to look after hordes of other people’s children all day and not get burned out. The gradual erosion of your empathy is probably inevitable. That’s not a reason to abandon the effort though. And I am certainly going to try for as long as I can.

No jokes this time. I feel far too serious right now.

I’ve got a pocket full of bullets
And a blueprint of the school

 

Screaming For Vengeance

So there I am, sitting quietly in the teacher’s room. Everything is relatively peaceful for once, it’s a nice sunny day. Maybe a little chilly, but nothing if not serene. I’m starting to feel a little sleepy, actually, nodding off a bit as I aimlessly flip through a book.

Then all of a sudden, every window in the building starts shaking like it’s trying to leap out of the frame and run away. There’s a terrible howling outside, like a hungry beast baying for blood. I look around out there, without getting too close to the obviously possessed windows, and I see crap flying around everywhere. People’s bikes are rattling in the racks. Trees are bending over.

It’s not an earthquake. It’s the freaking wind.

I look over at Kyoto-sensei, who can obviously see I’m a little freaked out. I’d like to emphasize he’s barely glanced up from his paperwork since this started. He looks out the window for a moment and then smiles knowingly. “Kogarashi”, he says. “Japanese winter wind. Very cold.”

And then, like somebody hit a switch, it suddenly stops. And everything is quiet again. Utterly calm.

Just thought you should know the kind of stuff I have to deal with here. 

Blow, wind, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow!

Screamin’ demons yell
Bursting through the clouds

 

I am excitedly indifferent

As a linguaphile, there is only one word for news like this:

Meh.

It’s no irregardless, that’s for certain, but it’s still positively tedious.

This Is Why I Hate Hollywood

I shouldn’t be surprised. After they butchered my favorite video game, fireballed my favorite tabletop, and made a movie so bad I almost built a deathray, I should know better than to give Hollywood the benefit of the doubt. But then they go and do this to Dragonball:

Yes, this is supposed to be Goku.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I hate Dragonball. The show is a coordinated assault on aesthetics, nay on rational thought itself. It does not only reject cohesive storytelling, it seems actively hostile to it. Because I appreciate good storytelling, I must loathe Dragonball, with every fiber of my being.

Even worse, it is often the first show that leaps to mind when you say anime to someone in the West. “Oh, you mean like that Dragonball show?”. I want to breed a skunk-porcupine hybrid to maul these people. It’s the same when I say I like weird fiction, and I get, “Oh, you mean like Stephen King?”. Are you actually trying to enrage me, or are you just that nescient?

But the point, as I belabour my way around it, is that only Hollywood would go and take something that is already terrible, and make it worse. Are they clever enough to aim for a cinematic version of arithmetic overflow, where the movie becomes so execrable that it wraps around and turns out awesome? Or are they as I always suspected, bizarre mindless creatures that spring forth spontaneously from a pool of radioactive ooze and filth somewhere beneath the streets of California?

The mind boggles. It boggles, dear reader.